I've officially entered the "Now What" phase of motherhood. That phase where the newborn honeymoon period is over and as much as you love your now crawling, creeping, cruising bundle of joy, you have to ask yourself, now what? What do I do with my life now? Have another baby? Go back to work? Start my own business?
Some women never enter the Now What phase as new mothers. They either thrive off of being a full-time SAHM or know that once the maternity leave is over, back to work they go. No questions asked. These lucky moms know their role. They're not afraid to admit they want to be a full-time, hands-on mommy and are proud to wear that badge. Or ashamed to admit they are working women. They love their children but they're just not the stay-at-home type.
So what do us NW moms do? For me, I start the networking ball rolling, but don't commit a hundred-percent. I try to settle into being a SAHM but become restless. I think up a million different business ideas but don't follow through. Then I wait. Wait for something to click. Wait for somebody to finally get back to me about my latest script so I can have at least one thing cooking. Then I watch the clock. It's been a year since I've been "actively" working. The ego side of me is like, what the ?? "You're going to lose your touch." "People will forget about you." "Your re-entry time is ticking away." Then ego begins to interrogate me with "What have you really accomplished this year?" Of course reality responds like, Um, I had a baby! I've been molding and shaping a new human being! Duh! But somehow ego's influence always wins. And I'm left sitting on the couch wondering if and when I'll finally reach that point.
That Point meaning that personal point of professional "arrival". The ah-ha point in your career where it all makes sense and comes together. That point as women where we're doing it all -- wife, mother, and career! Of course balancing all of it perfectly too, right?!
For now, I'll keep wading in this NW phase until the What becomes abundantly clear.
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2 comments:
Sigh. I've been in the now what phase for as long as I can remember - before Sam even came along. Life is just in limbo, and I have no idea which direction I'm supposed to go. The smart side says to enjoy this moment because it will be gone before I know it and never come back. The impatient part is constantly wanting to move on the the next thing. I'm just about to go crazy from it, actually - very timely post on your part.
I don't have any words of wisdom for you, just my own anxiety to add to the pile! Have faith, be patient, and seek. You'll find your way forward!
Thanks, Lydia!
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