Cub's Eye

The eye.

I'm learning more and more each day that this eye issue with Cub is about me!

Over the last year, we've been dealing with recurrent chalazions. They're clogged oil glands along the eye lid that cause red swelling and a firm bump. It looks similar to a stye. But usually stays longer.

While it doesn't seem to bother Cub, it really bothers me. Because of the people. I worry constantly about what other people will think when they see him. And rightfully so in some cases. I spend the most time with Cub, we go everywhere, and almost everywhere we go lately someone or quite a few people ask, "What's wrong with his eye?" Or little kids stare and point. Luckily, Cub's still young enough not to notice other people's responses. But I do. And I "allow" it to make me feel insufficient, the mother scum of the earth. Like a negligent parent. Even though I spend hours of my life trying to help and heal this eye issue.

The other day we were at a Farmer's Market and bumped into a few people from a gymboree class we're attending. Naturally, they all made a comment about his eye. But one mom in particular really got to me. She said, "He gets those a lot. It must be hereditary." I was furious and mortified. No, it's not hereditary. Neither my husband or I get these. And furthermore, you don't see us enough to know if he gets them "a lot". I was so bothered. Then I had to stop myself and say, "this is about you. You're embarrassed." When I left that mother, I had that sinking feeling of unworthiness. Like if I was a better mom or did more or whatever, Cub wouldn't be getting these bumps. But the truth is, I do as much as I can to avoid them. And some things just happen to kids. It's part of being a kid!

Being a parent definitely has its own peer pressures. I'm working at not falling into them. But at times, it can feel like a bad eighties popularity contest!