Kick In The Pants

Everybody needs a kick-in-the-pants friend (KITPF).
Not somebody who will kick you when you're down.
Or someone that's a constant burden, kicking the life out of you.

But a friend that's a straight shooter.
Someone not afraid to tell you you're full of B.S.

As mothers, we especially need these types of friends.
There are too many reasons to justify why we did this or reacted to that or failed to do such and such. It's true we have a lot on our plates logistically, emotionally and physically.
But a KITPF will tell you when you need to suck it up.
A KITPF will tell you when it was your fault or when you are being childish.
And you'll be stronger and better after that good kick in the pants.

I was lunching with a KITPF this weekend. I was complaining in my most charming way about how difficult it is right now to decide whether I should return to working full-time for a studio or network or if I should stay at home longer, yada yada. And all the projects I'm developing at home right now but not sure if they're really going to be good, etc. So basically I was playing my violin.

My KITPF looked at me and said, "Boo hoo. You get to stay at home with your son, develop your own projects, meet with various people that a lot of people would die to meet with, and you're feeling sorry for yourself." Then she shook her head and said, "I'm sorry I don't feel bad for you at all." And essentially told me to get over it. Wow.

I sat there smiling, trying to take this kick in the pants with dignity but there was nothing to smile about. She was right. Nothing to frown about either. But it was time to straighten up and do what I gotta do. If it's gonna be this way, go that way. If it's going to go that way, then go that way. But don't sit around complaining about the wonderful opportunities in my lap!

If all your friends always pat you on the back and smile in your face, beware! Run!

Go find a good KITPF. You'll be better and the friendship will be stronger!

Kindergarten Mom

Being a mom, especially of young children, can be a lot like being in kindergarten.

For various reasons:

You find yourself talking in ridiculous pitches, you tend to be in desperate need of naps, you're snacking all the time, running around like a chicken with its head cut off, leaving the house in clothes only a five year old would pick out, and occasionally doing the pee-pee dance if you've been so busy and preoccupied that you actually forgot to pee.

But the similarity I love most is making friends wherever you go.

You know how young children around the kindergarten age can be dropped into random settings and make instant friends? You just let them loose and within minutes they're running around with some new friend, chasing imaginary villains, sharing snacks, laughing like they've known each other for decades, and having a ball. Then when it's time to go, their friendship takes a bow and they're off to the next thing. Just like that.

Well, as a mom with young children, you find yourself chatting up all sorts of people you might not normally engage in a conversation. It's like you have instant friend credibility. A sign around your neck that says, "you can talk to me, I'm a mom."

Now the woman down the street smiles when you walk by where before she shuffled past on her cell phone dodging eye contact. Now random strangers stop you on the sidewalk asking how old your little guy is and offer up stories about their kids or grandchildren or even their friends' kids.

You make best friends (for five minutes) in the grocery store line, whipping out photos, exchanging coupons, and sometimes sharing very personal experiences -- all within five minutes! But like a kindergartner, once you've swiped that credit card and it's time to go, good-bye new best friend. Nice knowing you. Off to the next thing... or friend.

But no matter how short these acquaintances are or how meaningful or trivial the exchange, these little moments of human interaction pour hope and optimism over our sometimes cynical adult hearts. Reminding us that it's okay to smile at strangers, make eye contact as you walk down the street, it's okay to be vulnerable and put yourself out there. These little moments leave us with kindergartner kool-aid smiles and a much needed eager anticipation to keep at this thing called life.

The Evolution of Friendship

I have friends. Quite a few actually. Some are married. Some are not. Some have children. Some don't. Some are super successful in their careers. Some are super successful in their personal lives. Some are very encouraging. Some just make me laugh. Some truly inspire me. Some make me mad. But each have their own place in my life. For whichever season we're in.

A lot of times I find myself "mothering" some of my friends. The part of me that is genuinely concerned about them is real. But when I take a really good look at this habit, often times it's a little laced with judgment and even more humbling... jealousy.

I spoke with an old friend last night. She wanted to address a few of my "mothering" comments made to her last time we were together. I couldn't argue with her. She was right. I was being too nosy and judgmental about her relationships. When I took a step back to see where I was coming from, I realized, even though it had been apparent deep down, that I was envious of her freedom. She is single and very successful in her career. She has hopped on planes around the world on romantic excursions. She's a NYer!! A jet-setter. So much cooler! And yet I remember the time when she used to think the same of me.

I realized I envy her freedom not because I'm living some demure life of bondage. Quite the opposite in fact. I'm LOVING life right now. My life as a mother is new and exciting, fulfilling and enlightening! I cherish every wonderful moment I get with Cub. The new heights I'm reaching in my marriage. The creativity overflowing in me. And many other great occurrences peaking at this time in my life. So why would I be envious? Because there are parts of the old me that I'm still hoarding away. The me that could get up and go at any given moment. The me that could spend some ridiculous amount of money on a PURSE that nothing fits in. The me that could book a ticket to some exotic place just because I felt like it and could. The me that had very little responsibility and a whole lot of SELF.

I was thankful me and this old friend had the conversation we had because it forced me to do some mental housecleaning. And reflect on my friendships in general. How they've changed throughout the course of life. Like a river pouring into and out of the Caspian Sea.

They changed when I was single and running wild. They changed when I got married and started taking life and my Spirit self more seriously. They changed when I got pregnant with Cub. And they've changed with Cub's arrival. Sometimes these changes have been really hard. And other times really refreshing. But I'm so thankful my friendships continue to evolve. Whether into something far greater or when they have to take a bow and part ways.

But most of all, I'm grateful that they've changed me.