When Moms Are Gatekeepers

Every mom has experienced it at one point or another. That rolling frustration maybe even resentment toward their husband or the father of their child as they go off to work, play golf, hang with the fellas', or come home too exhausted to help with the kids after a long day at work. As if our days haven't been long too, right?

But what about all those times when the father IS involved? When he's more than willing to help out and is even proactive in doing so. Are we able to let go and let him? Your first response may be "heck, yeah!" However, many times when it really comes down to letting go and allowing someone else to help us, we're reluctant to accept the help or only as long as it's done our way. A lot of this is purely instinctual. But if we're honest with ourselves, most of it is just us being control freaks!

When Cub was first born I just knew that I was the only person that could soothe him... at least the right way. I was a nervous wreck whenever someone else was holding him and he was crying. I was certain they wouldn't be able to soothe him. I was positive he needed mommy 24-7! I felt like a small caged animal when someone has taken away their young -- hovering around, frantic, and at times right out vicious! And there are still times I feel that same way. I want to run inside a phone booth, spin around, and come out with my super mommy cape ready to save the day! But can I really save the day? What if I'm wrong? What if what I try doesn't work? It's okay, right? Because at least it was me trying it. But if someone else is wrong? Uh oh.

If I added up all the times I have gridded my teeth at my husband parenting for no other reason than it was different than what I would have done, I'd be a rich woman. And quite frankly, my husband usually has a much sounder, peaceful way with the baby. He's an excellent father. He's also had more first-hand experience with babies. Before Cub, I had never dealt with a newborn. Thankfully he had, and was able to help me get the hang of it. So it's interesting that I would assume my ways are better simply because I wear the "mom" title.

For those of us that stay at home with the little ones we have all day to make mistakes and get second chances. We get to parent with a trial and error approach. When our husbands or others come around, we seem brilliant! Natural experts! But it may have taken us one or two times at least during the day to get it right. So why is it when someone else makes a mistake (or tries a different approach) with the kids we're so quick to jump all over them? Where's the grace?

As I mentioned earlier, I never wanted Cub to cry. I'd do anything to prevent it. But now, as I'm easing up a little with experience, I know he's going to be okay. He won't have life-long psychological issues from crying a moment or two! But he may have those issues if I smother him or stifle everything and everyone who has a different approach with him.

Read this article, When Moms Are Gatekeepers. It may sound like your home. I know I caught a glimpse of myself in there a few times!