When You Can't Blame The Baby

Today I had one of those mortifying moments. One of those moments you wish you could stop time and quickly rewind to undo the undoable. But the moment took a big fat front seat right in front of me and laughed hard in my face. So hard that I actually blushed even thinking about it later.

If only we could tivo life. Then we could use that bloop bloop bloop sound to go back to a moment we may have missed or quickly skip past a moment we're too afraid, ashamed or mortified to face. Like this one.

So you're wondering what? What? Tell what happened! Okay, I will, but first I get to go off on a few more tangents, because that's what blogs are for, so bear with me...

Now if you're like me or any other human being, you've blamed someone else at some point or another for something you had done or were responsible for. Your blame didn't have to be some mean-spirited finger pointing blame. It could have been as light and fluffy as a white lie, but it was still a misdirected blame. A point-blank lie.

Perhaps you've blamed the baby for those extra pounds you're still lugging around. Or blamed the excessive weight on nursing. Your body needs the extra calories, right? Right! Or blamed the baby for the reason your home is a mess and disorderly (I'm preaching to the choir on that one). Or maybe even a dirty diaper for your indigestion...

Maybe it's not so much an ordinary blame, but more of a condescending correction like "Oh, Cub, don't put that shoe in your mouth. It's dirty!" When really I was the one that left the dirty shoes out for him to grab. Does he not put EVERYTHING in his mouth?

Or, "Cubby, electrical cords are dangerous. You know you can't play with those!" When in reality it's really my fault for leaving them exposed. And he's a baby, does he even know what dangerous means? Will he not pull at anything sticking out?

Well, today, I had to suck up this mortifying moment all by myself. No one else to blame. It was just me and Cub at home and surely Cub was not responsible for this one!

Let me give you a little background first...

We're currently living in pretty tight quarters. Our space is limited and the walls are thin. So my husband and I do our best to keep quiet while Cub's sleeping. We do have white noise going but maybe out of habit we tip-toe around and talk in low tones. Well, as nasty as it sounds, lately we've been trying not to flush the toilet right after he falls asleep. We try to go back and flush it as soon as he's sleeping but that doesn't always happen. Now let me assure you, this is only for #1's. See, our one bathroom shares a wall with Cub's room and it happens to be pretty loud. So we'll do anything to preserve his precious sleep. Hey, we're first-time parents! We can get away with these ridiculous routines.

So... this morning (forgive me for tmi), I put Cub down for a nap and retreated to the bathroom to "let it all out". I'm pretty regular and my bathroom date happens to correspond with Cub's nap which is pretty convenient. This particular morning, I decided to hold off flushing for a few minutes just to be safe. Breaking the golden rule, never leave the "other number" in the toilet. Naturally, time flies and Cub gets up and off we go to meet daddy for lunch at his office.

The moment we get home, our building's repair man is arriving to fix an outlet in our bathroom. I cheerfully let him in. Cub and I begin to play in the front room as he takes care of the bathroom. All along I'm chatting him up and asking him if he can also come back to fix this and that, etc. He's very friendly and agrees, then leaves. An HOUR later, I happen to go into the bathroom to grab something and there it is! I will spare you the details. Let's just say the toilet remained in its unflushed glory right before my eyes. And you know how water expands everything! I wanted to jump right in there and flush myself down the drain! The poor repair man respectfully carried on a conversation with me looking right over the remains of my breakfast, last night's dinner and whatever else my body had disposed of. For a split second I pretended that maybe he hadn't seen it. Maybe he didn't look. But reality told me otherwise. It was unavoidable.

I stood there in utter shock. I knew I would have to see him again. Maybe even as soon as tomorrow and there was no one else I could blame. It was all me.

If only Cub had been older and I could have blamed it on pottie-training!

Oh well.