Legacy

I was at a function a few weeks ago where the ice-breaker question was "What have you learned about parenting from your mother."

The question caught quite a few of us off guard. Many of us in tears. I had never really thought about that question prior to that day. I've thought about ways I take after my mother as a woman or many times in college or at different points in my life when I was trying to balance and figure out who this me person is and how this me person relates to and compares to those around me.

But as a first-time mother, I really hadn't considered my mother's parenting. At least not in the greater sense. I'm sure I've had a more critical view during tough moments or while she parented the rebellious adolescent me. But to take a step back and really examin what I've learned from her was new territory.

Most of the women had something to say in response to this question. And as I pondered it, I was emotionally moved by how I felt about my mother's parenting efforts. I thought about how she's such a positive, glass half-full person. How giving she is. And so many other strong and admirable attibutes I had taken for granted.

When you're a child struggling against the parental forces, all you tend to dwell on is how unfair, uncool, unfit your parents are in your immature mind. But to look back as an adult, it can be truly rewarding and eye-opening.

Many of the women said they never knew how poor they were until their mothers told them later as adults. As children, their mother's made such sacrifices that the day to day struggle was never apparent. There were also a good handful of women who said they learned how "not to" parent from their mothers. These women had bad examples of parenting. Riotous, irresponsible, self-centered mothers who left them feeling like an after-thought or burden.

While the question unearthed some deep, appreciative sentiments toward my mother, it also forced me to think about myself and my parenting. How would I want Cub to answer that question? Or better yet, to date, if he could speak, how would he answer that question?

Now that stumped me. Sure I want him to say I was kind and funny and cool and beautiful, all the attributes that pump my ego. But if I go deeper, to the heart of the question, to the inward parts of my true being, what would my behavior and lifestyle mirror for my child? I can quickly defend myself and say I'm not "so bad". Or, I'm not as bad as some women. Or lean to the other side and give myself all sorts of pats on the back for what a loving, wonderful mother I am. And truth be told, I am many things -- good and bad. So as I continue to let that question sink in, I challenge myself to push to improve all areas.

Maybe it's not about what I "want" him to say about me. But what would Truth say?

"Good, better, best. Never let it rest. 'Til your good is better and your better is best.”