Ready or Not

I hear people say a lot, when I'm ready, about things.

And I say it too.

We say, I'll step out of this dead end job, when I'm ready. I'll start living my life more devoted to God, when I'm ready. I'll start this new diet, when I'm ready. I'll be more honest about my situation, when I'm ready. I'll forgive this person, when I'm ready. I'll reach out to that person, when I'm ready. I'll stop being sad about xyz, when I'm ready. I'll shake this depression, when I'm ready. I'll confront my past, when I'm ready. I'll start healing from my emotional scars, when I'm ready. I'll stop smoking, when I'm ready. I'll give up this addiction, when I'm ready. I'll get pregnant, when I'm ready. I'll stay pregnant, when I'm ready. I'll have baby number 2, 3 or 4, when I'm ready.

But is there ever a RIGHT time? In some instances, yes.
But in most, no.

If we're honest with ourselves, there's always something getting in the way of us doing the right thing or preventing us from being ready.

Pregnancy and raising children freaks a lot of us out. It's like, WOA. That's why many of us go running in all different directions when it stumbles upon us... when we're not ready.

Although I think it's funny that I hear so many of my friends say, "All my life I tried not to get pregnant, now that I'm trying to get pregnant, I can't!" So what happens when we think we're ready for something, but that thing or scenario isn't ready for us?

I thank God Cub was born when I was not ready!
Sure we were "planning" on getting pregnant and starting to put everything into place. I'm not talking about logistics, etc. I'm talking about ME. The big fat self-centered me.
Sure, I believed I was ready. But the core of my being was not. And I'm STILL not...

Now, now, before you start thinking I'm doubting my ability to mother or spiraling into some deep, dark place, let be clarify. By not being ready, I mean I am relieved I don't have all the answers. That I'm still in a vulnerable enough place to be open to growth. See, if I was ever fully ready to be a mother, I would be perfect. Which we know is not possible.

Motherhood, just like marriage and any other strong relationship, acts as a mirror. It shows us a true reflection of our self. It's like a reflection of our self in High-Definition. We see every little flaw, freckle, mole, blemish, pore, glistening drop of sweat, and of course also the minute details that make us so unique and beautiful too!

In being a mom, I can no longer be stuck in the YOUTUBE. I can't make it always about ME. Even as much as I'd love for it to be! In reality, we should never be in the YOUTUBE, but I tend to crawl up there and get cozy way too often!

Someone once said motherhood is the greatest sacrifice a woman will ever make. Sounds great. I don't know if it is or not, but I do know that it's WAY up there. But I think more importantly, it all really boils down to LOVE. Love is the greatest sacrifice. Love is about putting someone else above yourself. Ouch. Self-denail is not fun. At least not for me! It's easy to do when I feel like it or feel ready to do it. But unfortunately, it's usually when most of us are right smack dab in the fire when love is needed the most. When it BURNS!

I am so grateful motherhood hasn't required that real burning from me yet. I've felt the heat here and there, but not the FIRE. But one day, I'm sure I will. If I don't, I'll never grow. At least not to my potential.

However, LIFE has required this of me. And trust me, there have been MANY times where I've yelled up at God about various scenarios, I'm not READY for this! Or, Hey! I wasn't READY for that!

And guess what he's yelled back at me?

Then GET ready!

Gee, thanks.

If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done. - Ecclesiastes 11:4

That Lady

I was that lady today. After writing about that kid yesterday, I guess I deserved a little humbling...

It all started with hamburger patties. I was asked to pick up about 50 burgers for a church event. My husband suggested I go to Smart and Final. I'm not a S&F or Costco frequenter. I'm one of those people that ends up at the grocery store 5 times a week because I don't plan ahead and buy in bulk. Then I usually complain about how many times I have to make runs to the grocery store or how we don't have any food in the fridge. Like right now, I'm starving. But the good 'ole ice box is near empty. Thank God my kid is drinking formula and breastmilk. Pray for my husband!

So I go into Smart and Final and of course I'm totally overwhelmed and giddy. I want to buy everything. I'm a sucker for the sensationalized great deals. Those flashy red stickers screaming buy buy buy! Buy NOW! I have the baby with me and it's almost nap time. Which means I have a very short window. But I can't stay focused because all the red stickers are screaming at me to buy buy buy! So after pulling myself away from the avocado section where I'm stalling for like ten minutes deciding whether or not I want to start Cub on avocado yet, I park in front of the meat section. And there they are, fresh fat hamburger patties packaged in 10's. Easy enough, I buy 5. But dang, they're expensive! Is S&F really that great of a deal? I don't think so. But we need the patties and it's for charity, right? Gulp. Fine. I'll chalk it up as a donation.

After cruising through the check-out, I manage to lug these heavy fresh patties to my car, baby and all, and the random items and avocados I've managed to bring along because they were a "good deal".

Flash-forward to this morning. I'm told we needed to get the FROZEN burger patties not the fresh ones. The tube-like kind in the plastic bags. You know, the inexpensive, thin ones? Nice. Here we have these big, beautiful, plump, fresh and very expensive charity patties, and I got the wrong ones. I was not looking forward to convincing the store manager to accept these fresh patties back after they've been home with me for 24-hours. But so be it.

Long story short, I drove back to S&F this morning with my big, beautiful, plump, fresh and very expensive patties. I explain to the manager and he's surprisingly cool and accepts them. I then hurry over to the frozen inexpensive aisle and I'm good to go.

Here's where I became that lady -- the "Return Lady":

With the thin, inexpensive patties in cart, I'm able to slide to the shortest line. A few people follow me, hoping to move through the line quickly. Then it's my turn. I have to explain to the checkout clerk about the return and the manager, yada yada. She then has to punch in all these codes, re-scan my receipt, and all this other stuff I won't bore you with. But the point is, now everyone in the line is giving me the evil eye, bouncing on one hip, sighing and what not. Then Cub starts crying and to make matters worse my signature won't take on the little electronic pad.

Then it happened as if in slow motion...

I look behind me at all these irritated, grumbling faces and I realize it -- I'm her. I'm that lady. Everybody hates the Return Lady. In high school and college working retail I couldn't stand the Return Lady. She slowed down the lines, hogged the registers, blocked the potential commissions and always had some annoying, long and drawn out story about why the items didn't work for her. And today, that was me. I was her.

Does this mean the next time I'm behind that lady, I have to be more patient and forgiving?!!

Chicken & Breast at Chick-Fil-A

Ok, I get it, but c'mon? What are we going to do next, March on Washington, boycott buses??

There's nothing wrong with demonstrating a little modesty while nursing in public. Is it really necessary to chomp on some chicken breast while someone's chompin' on yours?

What's up with the fast food establishments and mommy's lately?!