A Note to the Twins

Dear Twins,

Next time you decide to jump ship and leave me hanging (literally), can you please give me warning? First it was the Milk Man, now it's you.

I understand you feel used. You've been raw, sore, sucked, pulled, tugged, bitten, inflated, deflated, pumped and lumped. It's been a lot in a very short period of time. I get it. But do you really have to abandon me all together? We weren't working with a lot to begin with, but we got by. We were cool.

Remember back in the day, it'd be you and me struttin' around like we were somethin'? I never just had you all out there like some women. I gave you some freedom, but you also had boundaries. I tried to frame you well without being too obvious. I even dressed you in fine linen and sorts. We had it pretty good, right?

Even when you first came out, I was so proud of you! We weren't the envy of all women, but you were mine. Petite, cute and mine. We were a good match. True buddies.

But now I might as well start boarding up the windows. It's an empty house here. A breast foreclosure.

So don't be mad if one day you happen to come by and see that you've been upgraded and replaced! Hey, it's fair game.

For now, I'll leave the light on and hope that you come back. Pleassssseee come back!

Hello, Good-Bye

Today I shall wear black in mourning.

I really would if it wasn't so hot out.

My friend came this morning. She's been dropping hints that she was coming by soon but after no sign of her, I figured she was bluffing. I haven't heard from her in over a year, then just like that, she shows up this morning. Like, "Hey, Girlfriend! I'm here!!" Luckily, I was at home and not at work, or at the grocery store or somewhere trying to look cute.

Now that she's in town, I decided that it's probably fitting to officially kiss the Milk Man good-bye. Remember, he was starting to break up with me a few weeks ago anyway. So why not break up with him first? Isn't that how we like to roll ladies?

But I'm sad. I really didn't think it would be this hard. There were so many times months ago where I wanted to boot him out the door and slam it behind him. And here I am now, softly breaking up with him with a heavy heart. My own Dear John letter.

And of course since my girlfriend didn't give me proper warning, I don't have the house ready for her stay. Like clean sheets, for her to fall on, etc. ;-) I do still have the massive hospital "pillows" left over from her cousin. Guess those will have to do until I can run to the store.

My girlfriend's return is a nice reminder that more Cubs are possible... and even more possible than ever now if careful precautions are not taken. While more is merrier, I think we'll try to enjoy THIS CUB for a while longer!

Welcome home.

(By the way, do you like the "abstract" portrait of my friend?! I was inspired by Snake Boy)

Chicken & Breast at Chick-Fil-A

Ok, I get it, but c'mon? What are we going to do next, March on Washington, boycott buses??

There's nothing wrong with demonstrating a little modesty while nursing in public. Is it really necessary to chomp on some chicken breast while someone's chompin' on yours?

What's up with the fast food establishments and mommy's lately?!

Stuffed.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I did it. I stuffed my bra. Don't ask me why I waited until I'm 30-years-old to finally stuff my bra -- ok, actually, do ask me, and I'll tell you why.

Other than the secret thrill of actually stuffing tissue into my bra, I stuffed out of necessity. I was at a baby shower. I had on a cute little sun dress. Problem: I'm lopsided. Not naturally, but conditionally, temporarily -- oh, God, I hope temporarily!

It all began when I started supplementing formula. Shame on me. Not because supplementing formula is bad, especially if it's absolutely necessary. But because I really didn't need to at the time. I was tired of pumping. And I needed a solution for when I drop Cub off with someone a few hours once a week to run some errands. I had been pestered many times to just give the baby formula by well-wishers who had NOT breastfed their babies back when bfing was considered taboo or for the hippies. But I had held my ground for a while, until I gave in.

One day I left a small can of formula over at someone's house as a just in case policy, and low and behold Cub was fed formula that very day by eager hands as soon as I left! Many of you might say, weren't you livid? And yes, I was. But a very small part of me was also relieved. Maybe supplementing wouldn't be so bad? At least it would give me a little break from pumping!

And then started the shift. The left side has always been a little slower with the supply. But as soon as that formula was brought on board, Leftie, well, uh, left. I was determined to keep on nursing, even if I had to only do it from one side. Now I'm lopsided. Attractive, huh? Try putting on a bathing suit!!

So back to stuffing... normally I just wear shirts that don't make it obvious or make sure to nurse before going anywhere so Righties not like, "Hello, world! Look at me!" While Mr. *deflated* Leftie sits there and pouts. But that day in my little cute sun dress, I wanted to feel a little more confident. I was in the bathroom at the shower and carefully examining my cleavage, or rather, lack of -- on one side. Then I saw it. Nice fluffy facial tissue. The kind in the commercials. Oh, so soft and delicate. Hmm...

How do you do this anyway? One tissue? Two tissues? Do I have to shape it?

I wasn't sure if there was a bra stuffing technique. So I just popped a few under Leftie. It was very anti-climaxtic. Not how I imagined it in Middle School. Like sudden boobs, tuh-dah! But it did help. A little. Leftie didn't look as sad. He wasn't chirpy and showing off like Rightie. But let's say he perked up a bit.

And that's my stuffed bra story. Tuh-dah!

The Milk Man

He's leaving me. There's nothing I can do about it. I cannot beg him to stay. I cannot grab onto his ankles and try to keep him. He's going.

I can't plead with him. Can't tell him all the things I did wrong. How I took him for granted. How I should have been more welcoming. How we could've worked it out for longer.

He was good to me. Came right on time. Never failed me. He gave a lot. Sometimes too much, and I couldn't take it.

He is good to my kid too. Cub loves him. How am I going to break this sad news to Cub? They bonded. Cub looks forward to him. Cub smiles after seeing him. Cub needs him.

I'm sure there are a few more last minute tricks I can do to get him to stay longer. But I know the day is coming soon that he will be gone. What a sad day that will be.

My milk is drying up, yall!! Sniff, sniff...