Ego Punkd

I'm a punk. Really, I am. Tonight I left the gym with my tail between my legs. Actually, more like dipping and dodging the people that were in the class I was supposed to be in. Let me explain...

So I got this free trial gym offer at a really high end gym. I'm totally psyched about it. I haven't been a gym rat in YEARS. And it's encouraging being around other sweaty, out of breath people. But this is one of those gyms you feel like you have to shower BEFORE going to, like cleaning up your home before the housekeeper comes to clean. It has a bit of that "scene" to it. (On a side note, I saw Dr. Phil working out there a few days ago. Like most celebs, he's much shorter in person. Go figure. I almost stopped him for some quick advice. But I was late for a class. ;-)

Anyway, I'm really digging the place and I've been trying to take advantage of all the classes while this trial membership lasts. So tonight I decided to try out a funkercise class. You know, one of those funk, hip-hopish classes. Don't ask me why. Well, the obvious answer is it would be fun, right? But who was I kidding? Did I really expect to keep up? Uh, yeah. I mean, this is a gym class, not some pro dance class at Broadway Dance NYC.

So I strut my little self right into the class. Quickly surveying the room. Making sure I wouldn't be the only one embarrassing myself through these dance moves. And afterall, I am half-black, which makes me an easy target for onlookers. Everyone wants to see if the black chick can keep up. Like we're supposed to be born with super-power rhythm. I guess it might be true for most of us, but hey, I only have half the rhythm! After sizing up my classmates, I felt pretty confident. They all looked like normal, everyday people. Not too in shape, not too out of shape, not too anything. Just right. There were even a few women in there who had to be knocking on 50, 60 and 100! I kid you not. Oh, I can definitely keep up with Granny, I thought. Uh, think again.

Then the music starts. Great bass pumping beats. I giggled to myself. This is going to be a blast!!

Until the choreography started.

Everybody in the classroom busted out in these MTV video moves. And there I stood like the geek at the high school dance stumbling over my feet. I tried to play it off for a little bit. But it only got worse. I then found myself watching GRANNY!! I was trying to follow after HER moves!! But I couldn't even keep up with her! As soon as the instructor turned his back to change the song, I was out of there!! I ran out of that classroom so fast, I could have beat Usain Bolt!

I decided to hide in the cardio area until the class was over. But either way, I'd eventually have to pass the classroom, running the risk of bumping into someone from the class. I couldn't bear to hear them laugh, haha, you're the half-black chick with no rhythm!!

So I spied on the class. Yes, I hid in the corner and spied. Watching all the everyday people, dancing like Janet and J-Lo. Once I saw them packing up to leave, I did another Usain Bolt to the locker room. Where I bumped into Granny. She really must have been at least a foot shorter than me and I'm only 5'3". Our eyes locked. Shame all over me.

Next time I'm sticking with Yoga.