I've always wanted more than one child.I wasn't an only child and I love the dynamic that siblings bring to a family.
I still want more than one child, God willing.
Yet staring down at Cub at times makes me wonder if it's really possible to love another child as deeply as I love him. Intellectually, I know it's possible. Yet in my heart it seems so foreign and strange.
I understand mothers love every child differently, not more or less. But it's still mind-blowing to me.
I took a yoga class last night. Our instructor started off the class by talking about "fierce determination". How we must approach these poses with fierce determination, in honor of all we've lost, specifically pertaining to 9-11. But she also spoke about love and the fierce determination we must have in order to love harder, and push beyond our limits, like a seemingly impossible yoga position achieved over time.
I suppose that's what happens every time we add another child to the mix. Our hearts stretch and expand, twist and turn, and make room for more love. Maybe we need a yoga pose called Loving Mother. Imagine how advanced that pose would be!
Parents magazine recently had an interesting article about spacing your children. The pros and cons of age differences, waiting vs. knocking out one by one, etc. I found it pretty interesting. Check it out here.
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2 comments:
This was the PERFECT post for me and something I've been thinking about myself. I'm pregnant with DB's sibling now and when he/she is born, they will be about two years apart. Everyone I know who has done this says the same thing: it gets worse (even MUCH worse) before it gets better and then one glorious day....it's all gravy...for all the reasons the article mentioned (built in playmates, interest in similar activities). So, we're bracing ourselves, but we're excited.
I've been really thinking about the love part too. I mean, how does it work???? In life, I love a lot of people, but no two the same and come to think of it, I don't have any two people on the same level. One dad. One mom. One sister. One husband. Friends, but friends aren't as intimate in your everyday life as your nuclear family. Mindblowing indeed. My sister always felt like my parents favored me more, which in a sense I think is true, but more due to us than them. Meaning, I was WAY more verbal than her about my feelings, what I wanted and what I didn't, she never had an opinion about anything. Even to this day if you ask her about something she'll say "I don't care, whatever is fine". What I've come up with so far, using my experience in my own family to draw from is this: Uniformity is not the key, being intuitive and sensitive is. What I mean is, my parents did EVERYTHING the same for us (right down to buying the same Xmas gifts so the other wouldn't get jealous), but in their good intention to keep things "fair", I think it actually was a disservice in our situation. Everyone is different and we have to acknowledge and respect that. I will try my best to serve and love my children equally while focusing on their individual needs. I hope it works!
DB's Mama, I always love your comments. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with us!! Keep 'em coming!
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