Heat Depression

It's hot. And muggy. More hot that usual for LA, I think. Although I've only been an Angeleno for about 6 years.

I'm starting to get depressed. A temporary depression of course. Aside from there being a lot going on other than the heat outside, I'm discouraged because I don't know what to do with a 7-month-old baby in the heat. We do go swimming, we do play inside under the cool breeze of AC, we do drive around in a cool car, we do go to the library, we do quite a few things that help keep us comfortable while the sun is frying eggs outside on the pavement. But after all that running around, I can't help but to wonder if Cub is bored. Furthermore, I'm sure he's not jazzed about getting in and out of the carseat constantly. It feels like we're always on the go. And I'm watching the clock for the next nap.

But maybe it's just me.

I'm feeling the weight of the back-to-work struggle. As a creative person, I feel totally un-creative right now with my child. I can't help but to wonder if he'd be more inspired and entertained with other children at a daycare or with a nanny. I know he LOVES mama time. But that doesn't mean he doesn't get bored staring at my same ole' face day in and day out. And I want to be able to provide more for him also. Such a tug-o-war.

And of course there's that secret guilt that bares down on all of us on occassion when we actually admit at times that we'd want to go back to work. So unmotherly, right?

Funny how it seems like we hurry hurry and wait for different milestones, transitions, changes, etc., in our lives, then after they occur we're like HUH?!! Where did time go?!!

And that's all I have to say at this moment. Ha. Sorry for such a random post.

Sneak peak into my stream of conciousness. You should feel very priviledged! ;-)

Nightmares?

Cub must be having nightmares tonight.

He woke up the first time this evening with a fussy cry. I waited to see if it would escalate. It didn't. And then there was silence. Then I figured it may have been the TV that stirred him. Even though I have the TV on near mute and his white noise is BLASTING. So I turned off the TV just in case. It's the end of the summer anyway and nothing good is on. Waste of time. I digress...

Then a few minutes, maybe 10 minutes later, I hear this frightful outburst. As if he's in pain. But not exactly common pain like a gas cry. It was a scared cry.

I threw sleep training out the window (yet again, *smile*) and rushed to his crib-side. I swooped my precious yummy boy up and held him close. He settled down immediately, in that in-between sleep state. I was about to whip out the boobifier -- yes, I know! I know! I did give it up and I have given up nursing, kinda. But he wasn't interested anyway, to my chagrin -- see! So I rocked him a little and off to sleep he went. He's now sleeping as if nothing ever happened. Silence.

As I left his room I was mad. Who made up these stupid rules and theories about children sleeping in their own rooms and beds anyway?! I know there are major supporters and proponents out there for the "Family Bed" and Co-Sleeping. And I would be one of them but I also do value the sleep both parents and child get when they have their own space. And I'd still be a nervous wreck that I'd roll over him, even though I know most parents don't really do that unless intoxicated, yada yada. But just not my comfort zone.

Yet still as I left his room, wondering if my cutie-patoodie was having a nightmare, I wanted to crawl up into his crib and fall asleep with him. I hate sitting out here in this living room while he's alone in that dark room all by himself. So you say, then do something about it. Go get your boy! Join the Family Bed! But that's not going to happen. Instead I'll just look forward to the upcoming days in the near future when he's a toddler and has a "big boy" bed that I can climb into and fall asleep with him in. Or sneak into in the middle of the night to cuddle so he won't get attached with me going to bed with him.

For now, I'll just keep finding excuses to throw sleep training out the window and run to the boy's side. Just kidding. But I wish! :(

Hello, Good-Bye

Today I shall wear black in mourning.

I really would if it wasn't so hot out.

My friend came this morning. She's been dropping hints that she was coming by soon but after no sign of her, I figured she was bluffing. I haven't heard from her in over a year, then just like that, she shows up this morning. Like, "Hey, Girlfriend! I'm here!!" Luckily, I was at home and not at work, or at the grocery store or somewhere trying to look cute.

Now that she's in town, I decided that it's probably fitting to officially kiss the Milk Man good-bye. Remember, he was starting to break up with me a few weeks ago anyway. So why not break up with him first? Isn't that how we like to roll ladies?

But I'm sad. I really didn't think it would be this hard. There were so many times months ago where I wanted to boot him out the door and slam it behind him. And here I am now, softly breaking up with him with a heavy heart. My own Dear John letter.

And of course since my girlfriend didn't give me proper warning, I don't have the house ready for her stay. Like clean sheets, for her to fall on, etc. ;-) I do still have the massive hospital "pillows" left over from her cousin. Guess those will have to do until I can run to the store.

My girlfriend's return is a nice reminder that more Cubs are possible... and even more possible than ever now if careful precautions are not taken. While more is merrier, I think we'll try to enjoy THIS CUB for a while longer!

Welcome home.

(By the way, do you like the "abstract" portrait of my friend?! I was inspired by Snake Boy)

A True Artist, Indeed.

Two toddlers were drawing with sidewalk chalk today at the park.
They had to have been about 2 years old. Not much older. Maybe 2 1/2.
Me and Cub were watching.

One of the little boy's nannies suggested the boy draw Cub a picture. She actually said a "smiley face" but he decided to draw a snake instead. A very abstract snake.

Shortly after, it was time for the snake drawer to go. His nanny took his hand and tried to lead him away. But before they could take one step, the other little boy started drawing over the abstract snake.

The snake boy started panicking. He grabbed at his hair, in serious distress and shouted,
"That's my art! My art! Don't touch my art!"

The nanny kindly but firmly tried to pull the little boy away but he continued,

"That's my art! My art!"

He was truly devastated.

It was absolutely hilarious. The boy didn't say, "Don't draw on my snake." Or "That's my snake!" Or anything else an average 2 year old might say. But this boy was truly concerned about his art.

We were flattered since Cub had commissioned that snake drawing. Perhaps in the years to come we'll commission more of his abstract art.

This Week In Baby... Maybe

I set out to do a This Week In Baby for you with some quick snippets on what's going on in the world of babies and parenting in the news. But as I researched the news, I got utterly depressed. Most of the news I found was on infant abuse, remains found, crib deaths, sickness, etc etc.

Why depress you more when there's enough depressing articles on our local evening news?!

So instead, I'll brag about how cute Cub is "this week"!! Haha...

This week Cub started doing this funny little squint smile. I don't know where he picked it up from. He's only 7 months old!! Do they already start imitating facial expressions this young? Neither my husband or I do this funny squint so he had to pick it up from either a reading video we've been watching with him or someone totally random. Whenever he smiles and laughs now, he scrunches up his face and closes his eyes really tight. What's even more hilarious is he knows it's funny. So he keeps on doing it cracking himself up. Gotta love the kid!

He Doesn't Smile

This evening I took Cub on a little stroll to kill some time before his bath. We walked past a nursing home. I paused in front of the facility; Maybe someone in there is lonely and a cute baby will make their day, I thought. Heck, we've got some time. Why not?

We go inside and immediately a few elderly are drawn to him. One woman in her wheelchair came over to us and was very eager to play with him. But Cub was more interested in looking around the strange place we've entered into. The woman kept trying to interact with him but Cub kept looking away, checking out the ceiling, walls and everything but her. Cub also had on his game face since it was getting close to bedtime. Not very interested in playing.

I said, "Cub, can you give the nice woman a smile?" Tickling his cheeks to get a response. He just looked away. Then the woman said acrimoniously, "No. He doesn't smile." And wheeled off.

Guess we didn't make her day. Lol.

Update: We're back on track

Boobifier has been put on the shelf. We're back on track now with sleeping. Hallelujah! Thanks for support!!

Sniff Taste Crawl

Sniff, Taste and Crawl. That's what we do now as mommies with babies.

I just got back from the park with Cub. He fell asleep on the way home. Which is a delicate scenario if I want him to continue his nap. Do I let him stay in his car seat? Do I carefully try to remove him and then quickly put him in his crib? It's always a toss up. I used to be able to do a total martial arts move. I'd quickly unlatch him from the car seat, twirl him around in one swoop, then slam him down (lightly of course) into his crib while sliding his snuggy over to him simultaneously all in 15 seconds or less. Pretty impressive. Oh and without him ever seeing me! I suppose it was a martial arts magician move of sorts. But then he caught on and would immediately open his eyes and make eye contact with me, daring me to put him down. I'd then be stuck taking him on a late afternoon walk for forever until he fell back asleep. Unless I felt up to letting him cry for centuries, which isn't always a guarantee he'll fall asleep if it's a nap and turns me into a nervous wreck.

But now, I've learned I can take him out of the car seat delicately and quickly bounce him on my shoulder putting him back to sleep, then gently lay him down in the crib while simultaneously sliding snuggy into his arms and then -- DUCK! Yes, duck down so he won't open his eyes again and catch me in the act. It's very crafty. Then I sit on the floor for a few minutes waiting to make sure he's asleep asleep. Then CRAWL across the floor like a jaguar creeping up on his prey until I'm out of the room. Exhale.

A fellow blogger, Another LA Mom Blog, wrote about her crawl of shame a few weeks back. Pretty funny. I guess it's pretty common. Check her story out here.

Today while I was squatted down waiting for him to be asleep asleep. I felt something wet on the floor. Just a small little droplet. The room was dark so I couldn't see what it looked like so I dabbed my finger in and smelled it. Smelled like spit up. Hmm, did that just happen when I did my bounce bounce slam move? Or was it from this morning? And as I sat there investigating, I thought to myself, Wow, I'll really touch anything now and smell it or taste it. Welcome to Motherhood.

Another example: Cub had someone's bubble wand today at the park. The mommy said it looked like he could be swallowing some of the old soap in the wand because his mouth looked sudsy. So what did I do? I swiped the drool off of his chin and tasted it! Nah, didn't taste like bubbles. Proceed. Another wow mommy moment.

What are you guys doing out there that warrants a wow mommy moment? Maybe we should call them WMMs. I like that. Holla back!

Boobifier

Cub's back to crying again. And it's my fault.

I've created a suckling monster.

He was doing so well with sleep training and then I stepped in with my Super Mom cape and tried to save the day a few nights ago by nursing him to sleep.
We have now regressed, temporarily...

Not because I did this once, but because I've done it, oh, let's say a few more times too. I know, I know. But he's teething! So when he woke up crying at 11 PM the other night, which is unusual considering he's been sleeping through the night for over a month now, I was concerned. But a little too anxious to run in and offer him boob.

We also recently switched his formula and he's been trying out new solids, so there's no telling what could be going on with him. Any of the above could be keeping him up.

Technically, I believe you're not advised to reinforce sleep training while a baby's teeth are cutting through the gums or if the baby is sick, and neither are the case for him. So there was really no reason for me to run in to the rescue, other than he was crying pretty hard and I just couldn't stand to lay in bed for longer than a minute (literally one minute) and let him suffer! Yeah, I know, he's not suffering, but that's what it feels like to me!

So here we are now, day 1, 2 and 3 of the boob. It's no wonder why he's SCREAMING when I put him down in the crib and then leave -- without the boob!

A little crying is bearable. But these screams sound like "MAAAA MAAAAAAAAAA!" Which makes it even worse! Of course he hasn't officially spoken, "mama" yet. (Although he does babble off lots of "Dada's" -- go figure!) But whenever he's REALLY upset he whips out this "MAAAA MAAAAA!" Just to break me down! And it works. It's that shaky voiced, "MAAA MAAAAA". You know the one that quivers and gasps for air?! The Mom-Get-Your-Butt-In-Here-Right-Now-And-Save-Me-Or-Else-I'll-Be-Eaten-By-Green-Martians-And-You'll-Never-See-Me-Again Mama!!

The problem really is me. Ugh, humility is so over-rated!

You see, a big part of me LIKES being the boobifier. It calms him. Which calms me. Which makes me feel like a good mama. And what mommy doesn't want to be a good mama?! I also get to watch him fall asleep. Which is a rare special treat these days since he's all "grown up" now and usually falls asleep on his own. And hey, I have limited time left on this nursing clock! I want to cherish every little last moment.

But the bigger problem is, I've now confused him. Instead of being a good mama, I've become a confusing mama. He doesn't know whether he has to put himself to sleep or if mama's going to come in with the boobifier. So now he just keeps on crying... excuse me, SCREAMING, "MAAA MAAAAA!"

My husband reminded me that I can't always try to be Mommy-Fix-It. Cub has to learn to do things on his own and his confidence and comfort level will build as a result of it. Afterall, we definitely don't want a needy mama's boy.

And I get that.

But in the meantime, what am I to do with the MOMMY-GET-YOUR-BUTT-IN-HERES?! What if Green Martians really are eating him? Wouldn't a good mama go in and save him?

Pathetic

By the way, for those of you that just read the That Lady post, I actually got up from my computer after blogging and checked the fridge again, expecting to find something new. But of course it's still empty so I opened up Cub's cabinet and seriously considered eating one of his jarred foods! How pathetic is that?! You'd think I was a third-world mother. I promise to go grocery shopping tomorrow -- for the 5th time this week!