Heat Depression

It's hot. And muggy. More hot that usual for LA, I think. Although I've only been an Angeleno for about 6 years.

I'm starting to get depressed. A temporary depression of course. Aside from there being a lot going on other than the heat outside, I'm discouraged because I don't know what to do with a 7-month-old baby in the heat. We do go swimming, we do play inside under the cool breeze of AC, we do drive around in a cool car, we do go to the library, we do quite a few things that help keep us comfortable while the sun is frying eggs outside on the pavement. But after all that running around, I can't help but to wonder if Cub is bored. Furthermore, I'm sure he's not jazzed about getting in and out of the carseat constantly. It feels like we're always on the go. And I'm watching the clock for the next nap.

But maybe it's just me.

I'm feeling the weight of the back-to-work struggle. As a creative person, I feel totally un-creative right now with my child. I can't help but to wonder if he'd be more inspired and entertained with other children at a daycare or with a nanny. I know he LOVES mama time. But that doesn't mean he doesn't get bored staring at my same ole' face day in and day out. And I want to be able to provide more for him also. Such a tug-o-war.

And of course there's that secret guilt that bares down on all of us on occassion when we actually admit at times that we'd want to go back to work. So unmotherly, right?

Funny how it seems like we hurry hurry and wait for different milestones, transitions, changes, etc., in our lives, then after they occur we're like HUH?!! Where did time go?!!

And that's all I have to say at this moment. Ha. Sorry for such a random post.

Sneak peak into my stream of conciousness. You should feel very priviledged! ;-)