The Evolution of Friendship

I have friends. Quite a few actually. Some are married. Some are not. Some have children. Some don't. Some are super successful in their careers. Some are super successful in their personal lives. Some are very encouraging. Some just make me laugh. Some truly inspire me. Some make me mad. But each have their own place in my life. For whichever season we're in.

A lot of times I find myself "mothering" some of my friends. The part of me that is genuinely concerned about them is real. But when I take a really good look at this habit, often times it's a little laced with judgment and even more humbling... jealousy.

I spoke with an old friend last night. She wanted to address a few of my "mothering" comments made to her last time we were together. I couldn't argue with her. She was right. I was being too nosy and judgmental about her relationships. When I took a step back to see where I was coming from, I realized, even though it had been apparent deep down, that I was envious of her freedom. She is single and very successful in her career. She has hopped on planes around the world on romantic excursions. She's a NYer!! A jet-setter. So much cooler! And yet I remember the time when she used to think the same of me.

I realized I envy her freedom not because I'm living some demure life of bondage. Quite the opposite in fact. I'm LOVING life right now. My life as a mother is new and exciting, fulfilling and enlightening! I cherish every wonderful moment I get with Cub. The new heights I'm reaching in my marriage. The creativity overflowing in me. And many other great occurrences peaking at this time in my life. So why would I be envious? Because there are parts of the old me that I'm still hoarding away. The me that could get up and go at any given moment. The me that could spend some ridiculous amount of money on a PURSE that nothing fits in. The me that could book a ticket to some exotic place just because I felt like it and could. The me that had very little responsibility and a whole lot of SELF.

I was thankful me and this old friend had the conversation we had because it forced me to do some mental housecleaning. And reflect on my friendships in general. How they've changed throughout the course of life. Like a river pouring into and out of the Caspian Sea.

They changed when I was single and running wild. They changed when I got married and started taking life and my Spirit self more seriously. They changed when I got pregnant with Cub. And they've changed with Cub's arrival. Sometimes these changes have been really hard. And other times really refreshing. But I'm so thankful my friendships continue to evolve. Whether into something far greater or when they have to take a bow and part ways.

But most of all, I'm grateful that they've changed me.