A Note to the Twins

Dear Twins,

Next time you decide to jump ship and leave me hanging (literally), can you please give me warning? First it was the Milk Man, now it's you.

I understand you feel used. You've been raw, sore, sucked, pulled, tugged, bitten, inflated, deflated, pumped and lumped. It's been a lot in a very short period of time. I get it. But do you really have to abandon me all together? We weren't working with a lot to begin with, but we got by. We were cool.

Remember back in the day, it'd be you and me struttin' around like we were somethin'? I never just had you all out there like some women. I gave you some freedom, but you also had boundaries. I tried to frame you well without being too obvious. I even dressed you in fine linen and sorts. We had it pretty good, right?

Even when you first came out, I was so proud of you! We weren't the envy of all women, but you were mine. Petite, cute and mine. We were a good match. True buddies.

But now I might as well start boarding up the windows. It's an empty house here. A breast foreclosure.

So don't be mad if one day you happen to come by and see that you've been upgraded and replaced! Hey, it's fair game.

For now, I'll leave the light on and hope that you come back. Pleassssseee come back!